Hey there, lovely readers! It’s Giselle here, your go-to lifestyle blogger, bringing you all the fabulous insights on Giselle Avenue. Today, we’re delving into the intriguing topic of friendship hierarchy. So, grab your favorite beverage, get cozy, and let’s dive in!
First I must say, that the conversation of friendships has been trending online since 2020. I personally took note via the hit TV series “Insecure,” and I loved how Issa Rae & the writers of the show were able to effortlessly illustrate how COMPLICATED friendships can be! Some friends are for a season, and some are for life. Either way, it’s so nice to know who’s who, and how everyone fits into your friends list.
I will never forget going viral on Twitter for questioning the relevancy of yet another show about 4 black women that are friends. While my post was not received well, my intention was pure. We’ve (black women) have been force fed an image of ideal friendships since the Waiting to Exhale days, and many of these same women are still waiting to exhale.
While I love a good storyline that centers black women, we have to be careful to note that these images are NOT reality, and they actually satires. But, since black women aren’t given that level of disclaimer, we grow up to think that if we don’t have our own Molly, or Issa, Sinclair, or Toni Childs among our friend groups– then we are failing at life. And that’s not true! Girl, that is TV!
In real life, friends are so sacred, and really hard to come by. So I want to shed light on ways to know how to categorize your own circles, so you can appreciate friends who are here, instead of looking outside of yourself for friends who not here, at this time.
Friendship hierarchy refers to the ranking or order of importance placed on different friendships in an individual’s life. It acknowledges that people may have varying degrees of closeness and intimacy with their friends.
Picture this: your friendships arranged in a delightful hierarchy that reflects the unique connections you have with each of them. Just like the layers of a delectable cake, or beads on a colorful bracelet; friendships come in different flavors, and it’s fascinating to explore how they fit together.
The older I get, the wiser I am when it comes to using that oh-so convenient label of “friends.” As I journey through my thriving thirties, I realize my own value and how important it is to be surrounded by those you can trust, depend on. It’s critical to have a clear view of where you both stand when it comes to your relationship with one another.
Let’s examine friendship hierarchy, 101.
#1 Closest Friends, Your Inner Circle, Your A-1’s Since Day One
At the very top of the friendship pyramid, we have our crème de la crème—the closest friends. These are the gems in our lives, the ones who know us inside out, and love us unconditionally. They’re the shoulder we lean on during the stormy days, and the ones we celebrate our triumphs with. The bond we share with them is profound, filled with trust, and brimming with intimacy. They’re the keepers of our deepest secrets, the ones who see us at our most vulnerable, and still love us fiercely.
These are the friends who occupy the highest level in the hierarchy. This is who you are loyal too, above all. These friendships often involve mutual support, understanding, and a sense of loyalty. Closest friends are usually the people you confide in and turn to during challenging times. Typically there are 2-3 people you can call your actual, close friends. If you’re lucky, you really only have 1 or 2, and they are everything!
#2 Good Friends, Homegirls, We Do Brunch Together
Moving down the pyramid, we find our fabulous good friends. These companions bring joy, laughter, and a sense of belonging to our lives. We share common interests, engage in exciting adventures together, and create unforgettable memories. While the connection may not be as deep as with our closest friends, these friendships are still significant. Good friends are the ones who bring sunshine into our days, provide a listening ear, and offer support when we need it most.
This level includes friends with whom you have a solid connection and enjoy spending time together. They are the, let’s do brunch, and talk again in two months-ish, type of friends.
#3 Casual Friends, Cordial Acquaintances, I Know Of Her, But We Aren’t Cool “Like That”
Last but certainly not least, we have our casual friends, the lovely acquaintances who color our lives with their presence. These friends may be the delightful souls we encounter at work, school, or social gatherings. This friend may be someone you met in a workplace setting, so anytime you all talk, it’s related to professional aspirations, etc.. Although the intentions are pure, she is not your #1 friend, she is a casual friend.
While the bond may not be as profound as with our closest or good friends, these connections still add value to our lives. Casual friends are the ones we enjoy spending time with, engaging in light-hearted conversations, and creating pleasant memories.
#4 Girl, That’s Not Your Friend
This is the category that a LOT of people fall into, but we often can be too proud to admit it. This is the person who you know doesn’t like you, but you seem to keep in touch for the sake of time invested. You all don’t share many common interests, and you all more than likely met in a setting that was forced — school, college, your mom’s best friend’s daughter, sorority, etc..– but you all are not cool like that.
In fact, you don’t text, don’t talk on the phone, don’t even greet one another on social media. Even worse, this “friend” always watches your social media content but never reacts…. I mean she is NEVER in the comments section hyping you up, she is a silent hater. She is not your friend. She always downplays your wins, and she always throws shade towards your light. You have considered cutting her off for years, but for some reason you just let the energy sit idle and in limbo. This is your sign that unfortunately, she is not your friend.
So, what about YOUR friends?
Remember, my dear readers, that the friendship hierarchy is subjective and personal. Of course, there are levels to this and tons of information out there that digs a little deeper. Everyone’s cake of friendships looks different, and that’s perfectly alright!
What matters most is the love, joy, and support we receive from our friends, regardless of where they fall on the hierarchy. Also, don’t stay in the dark. You deserve TRUE, REAL love — yes especially in platonic friendships, so don’t let anyone play in your face.
Embrace the beauty of your friendships, cherish those closest to your heart, and appreciate the unique role each friend plays in your life. After all, life is more vibrant when we surround ourselves with genuine connections.