How to Detach from “They” So You Can Move Forward

They are in your way—-let them go.

I’ve always valued the abundance of family & friends in my life. I come from a 93-year-old legacy of family, and the love is real. Every year since I can remember, the Jones-Mervin family members from across the U.S. gather in a small town called Kinston, N.C. to celebrate family, love, and fellowship. Of course, there’s food involved--lots of it. Although food can be delightful, some of our favorite food can leave us feeling heavy, out-of-energy, and wondering why you tried to eat like you did as a child. Maybe your family shames you for trying to eat cleaner than when you were a child?

Girl, you better eat that hog. You ain’t too good for some pig feet.

-Ya unlce and them.

Nevertheless, after a jam-packed weekend of fellowship, we end the weekend in prayer as we travel back to the places we call home.

Friends are just as special. I’ve always cherished those I call friends. Honestly, the older I get, the more I realize how rare actual friends are. I spent (wasted) a lot of my twenties trying to find friends, gather friends, and share experiences with friends–but then something changed. Something drastically changed. I can’t quite put my hands on what specifically changed, but I know it happened, and this post is my official response.


It’s Time to Detach

Here’s the deal: too much attachment to they, will have you stuck and wondering why. They will have you thinking you’re going crazy, just because you have outgrown old ways. They will keep sharing stories from decades ago, in hopes of a response. They live—and LOVE the past. They do not uplift. They are your biggest critics. They say and do everything to remind you of where you come from, not where you are going.

They got you messed up.

You And They Are Not The Same

Remember when Destiny’s Child was THE girl group to love? I mean their music was empowering, uplifting, and definitely made me feel something. Everyone loved Destiny’s Child! #Bootylicious

That is–until one of their members decided to start their own career as a solo artist. This particular artist was actually the secret sauce behind the success of the group Destiny’s Child. How am I so sure? When she left, the group ended.

Decades later, the only time we even think of Destiny’s Child is when this said solo artist decides to share some of her current success with them.

Sure, you two can perform right after I give my fans what they paid for—-Me, as a solo artist.

-Beyonce’s Eternal Mood

Today, Beyonce Giselle Knowles-Carter is one of the most successful performing artists IN THE WORLD—do you think she let the actions and opinions of THEY get in her way? Hell no! She pushed through. She realized her potential. She tapped into her greatness. She unleashed her megastar power– and is LIVING IT RIGHT NOW–even as I blog this post. She does not apologize, and she sure isn’t sorry!

There’s a valuable lesson in this anecdote:

Friends and family are great, but we can’t be so attached to them–that we lose sight of ourselves and our own purpose in life.

You and they are not the same. I am not the same as they. The girl I once was– growing up in Alabama, attending college in Alabama, and making friends in Alabama–is not the woman I am today. So, why do we waste so much time trying to fit into a space that is no longer vacant? Insecurity. See me, I come from a not-so-perfect immediate family (don’t we all) so I wasted a lot of time looking for something, or someone to belong to. But that is not the answer Sway. Everything has purpose, including my own uniqueness.

I never fit in because I was born to stand out.

-Giselle

A black woman smiling, wearing a black and white dress, standing on street with hand on hip

Quite frankly, everyone is insecure about something, but I am in overcoming insecurities mode. Your turn! Now is NOT the time to go back to what doesn’t align with your purpose, and think you’re going to prosper. You won’t. God has something bigger for you, and it is ahead of you, not in the past.

I learned something this week during therapy, and I must share:

If you have to shrink, rethink.

-Dr. Hayes

This applies to friends, family, colleagues–all of the above. One thing about my personality: you’ll either be intimidated or inspired, choose wisely.

If I am put in the most awkward position of trying to shrink myself so you can feel secure about yourself…. It’s time to let you go. I know, I know– why be fake? Why not just be you, regardless? Well, you all would be surprised at the fragility of people’s feelings, after being around someone they’re already intimidated by.

It’s as if people are cool with you doing well, as long as you’re not doing better than them. #TheGag

Keep Moving Forward

Fulfilling your destiny–as in, the hidden power believed to control what will happen in the future; fate– is a lonely road. It’s not designed for you, plus 4. It’s not created for you to invite all of your closest family and friends along the journey to share THEIR opinion on how your journey is going.

Let me say that again: Your destiny is not created for you to invite all of your closest family and best friends along to post pictures on social media and clout chase forever.

Destiny is a VIP admission for one. It’s a personal journey. It’s a one-way trip, and there are no additional seats on your flight. Of course family and friends are there to SUPPORT you along the way, but you can’t adopt their ways, listen to their opinions, and try to fit into their outlook on life and expect to REACH YOUR DESTINY— THIS IS FOR YOU!

This month, I challenge you to let go of they. We place so much emphasis on outside influence and opinions, that we can’t even hear our own spiritual guides, that exist in the depths of our own soul. The power you’re looking for from they–can only be unleashed from the inside out. As Kid Cudi & Ye remind us on their latest track, Reborn, KEEP MOVING FORWARD!

I’m so reborn, keep moving forward.

-Kid Cudi

Who is they in your own life? A crappy job? Tradition? Toxic family? Fake friends? Poor eating habits adopted from back in the day? Closed mindset?

This is your call-to-action: whomever or whatever they is, let they know you’ve decided to detach. 

If you’re reading this and feel some type of way, this is my open letter to you.

Do they got you f^d up?

You are responsible for putting it to an end.

Just do it.

-Belle in the City

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11 thoughts on “How to Detach from “They” So You Can Move Forward

  1. I actually gathered friends from different stages in my life. I’m closer to my friends than family. I know my friends and we all share different relationships and connections. You have certain friends you share certain stuff with. It’s simple. They all add value but different approaches. I believe I attract the energy I put out.

    S/o to therapy. I’ve been going for a few months. I absolutely love it and recommend it to everyone. Life can be so stressful if we let it.

    Cheers to healing !!!

    1. Thanks for reading Simone, yes healing is the new black!

  2. Detach from they!! Good job Giselle – Seeking the approval of others will always hold you back. Thanks for the Monday Motivation 🙂

    1. Thanks for reading Jasmine! #MondayMotivation

  3. Right on time! It is so refreshing to know that a lot of us are going through the same thing and it’s “normal.”

    1. Thanks for reading!! Yes, we have a lot more in common than we think.

  4. Starting to think God didn’t intend for us to keep only certain people ( friends, family, coworkers ) in our lives. He must want us to keep an open heart to everyone we come across in the World. People we tend to know for a while tend to be outgrown and we end up moving on anyway. Your article speaks the truth.

    1. Thanks so much for reading!!! Yes, God has a very BIG vision for our lives and too often, those closest to us can unintentionally hold us back. It’s on us to walk into our purpose—-knowing that God is in control and makes no mistakes. I really appreciate your commentary! -XO, Giselle

  5. THISSSS!!!!

    This is a message that I am currently living out and living through at this very exact moment! (No Coincidences)

    Thank u

    @NuJaxxSwang

    1. Thanks so much for reading! I’m glad you can relate!

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